He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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