She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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