The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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