After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
