like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
