I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
