He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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