Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
