I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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