Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
