I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
