actually, I'm a sock model
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
