Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
