I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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