That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
