This girl is more easily done than said...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
