Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
