drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
