Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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