I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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