Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
