Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
