i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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