I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
