I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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