genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
