I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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