addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
