You're my little dorito
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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