Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
