I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
