Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
