Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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