ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
