wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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