i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
