i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
