Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
