Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
