Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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