You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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