I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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