He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
