hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
