A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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