Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
