so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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