so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
how does that bad decision feel?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
