I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
