Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
